Runway Report: New York Fashion Week

As you all know, New York Fashion Week is a special week in New York that takes place every week in New York. It is dedicated to the visionary presentation of new blouses, trousers, accessories, and tarantula-like hats that everyone will be going apeshit over at the Target 2 or 3 years from now, once these weird new designs filter down to the mass market.



I'm gay, so I'm automatically into fashion, duh, even if I dress like a hobo. And even though I have no idea what A-lines, balaclavas, gussets, bishop sleeves, havelocks, minaudieres, peplams, or empire waists are--and, worse, I've never understood the existence of clutches--my friend Susanne invited me to a fun show at Saint Mark's Church to take in a new line of goth street urchin clothes for men by designer Odyn Vovk and accessories by designer Black Sheep & Prodigal Sons. An adorable gaggle of young goths and their friends gathered to witness the awesome and frightening parade of sinewy, boney, hallow-cheeked, and zombie-eyed young vampires sprinting down the runway in their borrowed clothes. In a church! Is that even allowed, by Sarah Palin?


Susanne and a cute designer named Corey, who I would probably know if I knew anything about fashion and clutches.



Me crouching behind Susanne, terrified that someone will find out my favorite shop is H and M.




There was much revelry and comparing of eyeliner before the show. I told one tall black leggy devastatingly gorgeous young woman that I just loved her hoop earrings and she asked me if I was "taking the piss." Priding myself on my knowledge of English slang, I told her that, no, I wasn't "taking the piss," I was "taking the mick." There's a difference. But seriously, I did love her hoop earrings.




Anyway, these undead hotties walked down the catwalk so fast that my camera phone couldn't keep up, and since I didn't have a real camera with me, these shots are my only proof that this event even happened. But whatever, Susanne will send me some shots, I'm sure (Susanne?), and anyway, there'll be another Fashion Week next week, so someone buy me an iPhone.








UPDATE!: Susanne has delivered unto me some (slightly) better pics of the show, so I've added those below. The most important one, obviously, is the last one, which features identifiable manflesh.

9/11 Editorial Winner

Gawker sums it up.

The End of a (Very Short) Era: 9 to 5 Closes on Broadway

As you all no doubt have already heard (if not dealt with), Dolly Parton's 9 to 5: The Musical closed this past weekend after only about 5 months on Broadway. This is just appalling, obviously. Mama Mia, after all, is still on, relentlessly, night after dreary night, after how many grim years of blanding its audiences to death? Of course, I shouldn't expect the world to understand or appreciate such a brilliant, campy, tacky '80s boob odyssey as 9 to 5, which Dolly wrote each and every song for. After all, the world loved Cats, and that thing was awful and Satanic, was it not?

Well, I wasn't going to take this horrible news lying down, no no no. On Friday night my friend Sarah and I headed straight to the Marquis Theater to show our support for this office musical of our times. I just don't understand why negative critical reception and poor ticket sales have to sink a Broadway production. What about pizzazz, chutzpah, and moxie? Do these things count for nothing in the dog-eat-dog devil's daycare popularly known as Broadway? (Moxie is expensive.) Huh? The curtain was made of curled phone chords, for God's sake. What else do you people want?
----------------

Sarah and I are smiling because we've just realized we're the skinniest people in the audience.
----------------

Well, Sarah and I arrived at the show prepared to see an unmitigated disaster along the lines of Lestat or Titanic, the Musical. Sarah was wearing her smartest officewear in solidarity with the three women we would soon see on stage gagging their boss with a handkerchief; and I was wearing Superman Underoos under my H and M slim-leg slacks, in solidarity with what I used to wear when I watched the movie over and over on HBO as a child.

The show was nothing like Titanic. It was fun, in addition to being stupid, and it had Allison Janney playing the Lily Tomlin role. There's really not much more you can ask for. Its closing is a crying shame. But, much like the electric typewriter, this show will not soon be forgotten.



Beverages are much more delicious in an official 9 to 5: The Musical sippy cup.


Outside the Marquis in front of a pole advertising the show, a pole that, sadly, will probably soon be advertising the next piece of Disney trash they roll off the assembly line.

Happy Birthday, Jimmy!

They Made This?: Cougar Town on ABC

This looks god-awful. Cougar Town? Ick. Come on, Courtney Cox. Do you really need to work that bad? Actual cougars from San Diego Zoo turned this role down.