This Picture on the Subway, Believe It Or Not, Is an Ad For a News Broadcast

Not for a furniture store or a tight sleeveless blouse shop or a push-up bra boutique. For a news broadcast. For Pix 11 News at 10, to be specific. And who's that alluring woman with the prominently featured arms and boobage? She's Jodi Applegate, a porn name, obviously. And what is Jodi doing, besides standing next to that chair lookin' good, that has anything to do with the news? Well, she's obviously thinking very hard about the news. (And bon bons.) Is she thinking about the uprising in Libya? The Newt Gingrich flameout? The debt ceiling? Maybe. But the overall impression left by this advertisement, let's face it, is clear.

Jodi Applegate is going to sit in that chair and fuck the news. Live.

Of course, there are men on this news program, too, because otherwise how would people take it seriously?



Let these obviously capable guys handle the "reading" and the "banter" and the "holding things" and the "electronics"--all very important parts of a news program. That's fine, it's what dudes do. But leave the fuckin' to Jodi.

I think it would indicate a stronger news broadcast, though, if Jodi was standing next to a stripper pole and holding a dildo.

My Camera Phone Will Not Be Denied: The Thing at the Landmark Loews Jersey Theatre

It's been a while since Jimmy and I were back at the Loews Jersey Theater in Jersey City, but put in an appearance recently to see John Carpenter's The Thing, because who doesn't want to watch bubbling, mucousy, multi-headed humanoid creatures square dance with Kurt Russell in Antarctica on the big screen?

Also, as an added bonus, in the lobby of the theater there was an exhilarating display of items from Thing-Fest, which is, apparently, a convention that exists somewhere. There was lots of sexy stuff, which I have photographed for your viewing pleasure.

Lots of collectibles here. The thing on the right is signed by Mr. Russell himself.

The guy in the Canada jacket is not part of the display.

Insert obligatory "I didn't realize my ex-boyfriend was going to be here" joke here.

Yep. In Germany, they call it Das Ding, which is also the name of the "student film" I did when I was in college.

Whoever was in charge of this display completely ignored the sign on the right.

Thomas Waites, left, who played Window, was on hand (with his son?) to sign prints and paraphernalia for the low low price of $20.

Now That Obama Has Vaporized Osama, Can He Send the Navy Seals to Get the Fucking Asshole That Stole My Bike, Plz?

I know what you're saying: Tim, didn't you just get that bike? Like last week? Wasn't it such a new bike that you hadn't even taken a photo of it yet? And hadn't you just realized how head over heels in love you were with this bike just yesterday when you took it out on the town, rode to Brooklyn Bridge Park, rode into the city, and galavanted all around like you owned the place? The answer to all of these questions is a sweaty and horrified YES. I hadn't even named him yet! (Though Jimmy had already named him Nigel.)

Some fucking bullshit asshole was trolling through Chelsea with his saw today, apparently, and he saw my bike parked and locked on 24th between 9th and 10th and decided he just had to have my beautiful, virginal fixed-gear bike because why go to a bike shop and buy yourself something when you're a fucking lame-ass motherfucker and you've got a perfectly good saw in your hand?

More Guantanamo for bike thieves, Obama.

Not a Gay Porno Dept.: Navy Seal Training

All of us U.S. Americans have had hearts aflutter all week thinking about how much we'd like to offer our thanks to the Navy Seals, for being so sexy. "What is their training regimen like?" we haven't been able to stop asking ourselves, while fapping. Well, these photos tell you an awful lot about their training regimen: it's hot; so hot, in fact, that sometimes they just have to lie stretched out on the beach and let the water wash over their musculature, trickling this and that way, alluringly.

But these photos are not stills from a gay porno, so stop thinking that! They're just exercising and preparing to hunt down bad guys, and make those bad guys blow them. Have some respect.

In conclusion, get your hands out of your pants.

Everyone Will Always Remember Where They Were When They Found Out What Katy Perry Thinks of Osama bin Laden's Death

Thank you, Huffington Post, for being our window into history.