Jukebox: Cazwell

There are many reasons to love Ru Paul's Drag Race. It is basically the Platonic ideal of a reality show: perfectly paced, endlessly quotable, addictive as hell, and guest judges like Cloris Leachman and smokin' Henry Rollins. There is no more that you need from a reality show than a bunch of drag queens stampeding and fighting over a cart of wigs. There just isn't.

But one of the biggest reasons I love the show is because it introduced me to this awesome song, "I Seen Beyonce at Burger King" and to the gay Eminem brainchild behind it, Cazwell. Most of his songs are pretty filthy ("All Over Your Face," for example), but this one is fun for the whole family. Have your children sing it at the playground!

Touchdown Jesus Gets All Burned :(

You've probably heard the tragic news I got on Monday (or whenever): the famous "Touchdown Jesus" statue in Monroe, Ohio that I'd never heard about before Monday (or whenever) burst into flames over the weekend (or something) and is no more. SeeTimBlog readers who have been with me from the very beginning might recall that I am obsessed with large statues. It was the whole reason that Jimmy and I tried to go to Rio di Janeiro for our tenth anniversary before being diverted to Buenos Aires: I wanted to see the big Jesus statue, Christ the Redeemer. I had no idea there was an awesome Jesus statue just down the road from NYC in Ohio!

(Interesting aside: I wrote about my weird obsession with large statues in my forthcoming book, Tune in Tokyo: The Gaijin Diaries, which will soon be deployed to plug the hole in the Gulf of Mexico.)

It's very sad that this random thing happened, and it's not at all symbolic, so stop inferring that. Sometimes things just burst into flames, like Ru Paul or Sarah Palin.

Important Pornogramercials: The Shake Weight for Men

The other day my good friend Alex wrote to me and told me he couldn't believe that I hadn't blogged about the above ad. After one look at it, I couldn't believe it either. Has there ever been a more erotic commercial in the history of exercise equipment? This is even more hot to the touch than the one for the Ab Rocket. So why haven't I gripped this commercial in my hands and stroked it slowly, assuredly, with both hands?

I don't know! I guess I've been too busy mourning the death of Rue McClanahan? (That's a lie. When Bea Arthur died I was watching a marathon of Abs of Steel for Men on the Gay Fitness Channel THE VERY NEXT DAY.)

All I can say is that I'm glad that now this ad has been blogged. Also: did the folks that designed this device ever stop laughing during every single phase of production? Was it pitched on a dare? And what was the launch party like?

I'll update this post when I have answers to these questions.

My Camera Phone Will Not Be Denied: Trashcan Sinatras at Sound Fix, Brooklyn

I've really been hitting the jackpot lately with bands I loved in high school coming to Brooklyn to say hello. First the Primitives last month, now the great Trashcan Sinatras from Scotland, whose lead singer, Frank Reader, I was hopelessly devoted to until just a few years ago, when I heard that he'd gone bankrupt and probably couldn't afford me. (My insulin is expensive.)

You remember them, from 120 Minutes! They had that one song, real jingly jangly and awesome? "Only Tongue Can Tell"? Not ringing a bell? Perhaps you were busy jerking off to Mudhoney. (Who will come to Brooklyn next? The Mighty Lemon Drops? The Sundays? Close Lobsters?)



Well, dummies, the Trashcan Sinatras had MANY AWESOME SONGS and you've been missing out for nearly two decades now. I was absolutely over the moon when I realized they would be visiting my neighborhood record store Sound Fix in Williamsburg last Saturday. It was just freaking wonderful and I STILL TOTALLY LOVE YOU, FRANK READER, SING ME A SONG!!

Fashion is Important: Hats

As you all know, it's always Fashion Week somewhere in the world, and this week it's Brazil, home of that new ass dance that everyone everywhere is not doing because it's gross and stupid. In Sao Paolo this past Tuesday, the dynamic and vitamin-fortified model above sported a hat designed by the great (?) Erika Ikesili, whose motto is apparently "So what? Who cares?"

"I sayed sew the dead bird feathers onto the hobo hat I pulled from the subway grating, you beetches," she probably said to her starving underlings in her studio during a brainstorming session last season. "Thees hat needs to be ready for Sao Paolo by June and eet must be heeeedeoous!"

In conclusion, Lady Gaga has already worn this hat to a Mets game.