Friday Japan Awesomeness: Zatoichi

After a week of awfulness in Japan, it's high time to celebrate its opposite, and to my mind, nothing is more gleeful than the last scene in actor/director Takeshi Kitano's 2003 adaptation of the Zatoichi story. The bulk of the film is dark, moody, and violent, with an excellent score by Keiichi Suzuki and flashes of brilliant humor. But this scene is where the curtain falls on everything that came before and the clogging/tap dancing begins (things really get started after the minute mark). It was after watching this scene that I decided to pursue a career in tap dancing. (I've made some bad decisions.)

Ultimately the scene ends up being a curtain call of sorts, as the main characters file in and join the dance. You may wonder why two of the characters morph into children at one point. It's a good question! You'll just have to watch the movie to find out. It's pretty much a masterpiece so it will be time well spent. Plus it's got Tadanobu Sato in it, and he is handsome, even when he's rocking the samurai updo.

Letters from Tokyo

The media coverage of the Japan horror has been relentlessly bleak for obvious reasons. It's profoundly terrifying. But the New York Times ran a few essays today—by Japanese authors in translation, reflections on their country and their fellow Japanese—that have allowed a little sunlight in, however small a pinprick. In an essay called "Amid Shortages, A Surplus of Hope," renegade author Ryu Murakami—himself an often relentlessly bleak writer—allows himself some optimism. And in his essay "For a Change, Proud to be Japanese," Hiroki Azuma finds that an exciting strength is gathering among his fellow citizens amid the fearsome (and seemingly endless) calamity around them.

I highly recommend both of these pieces.

日本人は　がんばって！

The above poster is available here from Signalnoise, and all proceeds will go to Japan disaster relief.

Sad Realization Followed By a Happy One

With a heavy heart last night, I started coming to grips with the fact that I was going to have to start watching the new season of Celebrity Apprentice. Last night Jimmy admitted he'd been watching it while I was away on Sunday nights at band practice. (I'm in a band!)

"And Dionne Warwick is a bii-hi-iiitch," he said.

"Really?! That's awesome! What did she say?"

"What didn't she say? And I think LaToya Jackson is retarded."

Oh shit, Dionne Warwick is a Grade-A C*nt I can't wait! I thought to myself. Then I read on Gawker the most incredibly succinct compliment one can give another human when they described Marlee Matlin as a "fierce bitch." Shit, maybe I should be watching this tedious, awful show.

Then I visit Salon, find out sweet-potato-headed slob Donald Trump is now a pretend birther, and decide I am no longer obligated to tune in, no matter how much I'd like to see NeNe bitchslap Star Jones for me. Jimmy and I can just act that scene out for ourselves. (I get to be NeNe.)

Letter from Tokyo

In the past week, since the horrifying earthquake/tsunami/possible nuclear catastrophe, I've been checking in with friends in Tokyo (I didn't know anyone in northern Japan) to make sure they are ok and able to get food, since food shortages are one problem Tokyo residents have been faced with. My friend Shun, one of my best friends when I lived there and a master of understatement, sent me the following email. He lives in Nakano, a neighborhood in west Tokyo that is still pretty central. Stay safe, Shun.

hey timmy

Im fine thanks and you?
it has been terrifying about these quakes... last night we had a big one in Shizuoka and today another one in Chiba....
so I cant sleep well recently... because I feel small quakes.
and there are no bread, rice, water, tissues, toilet papers in supermarket and conveni... only snack left:-(
also trains dont run properly. because of black out. neclear power have been acting strange. so they dont provide enough erectricity.
so they do black out on purpose around Tokyo except central Tokyo... thank god I live in nakano-ku.

oh well... wish Japan luck!!

-Shun

Fashion is Important: Throttled Models Edition

We've all seen models on the catwalk and simply wanted to wring their necks for looking so irritating, dead-eyed, and entitled. We're only human. But who knew that fashion designers often want the same thing, of their models? (I mean, we assumed, but we didn't know.)

Well, French designer Jean-Charles de Castelbajac made it official yesterday at Paris Fashion Week while unveiling his Fall/Winter 2011-12 collection: he wants his models throttled. Fabulously. He's not necessarily suggesting model murder. No, stop assuming the worst. He's only suggesting that women look better--indeed, they feel better--when they have a pair of sleek, reassuring hands surprising them from behind and gripping their neck parts to make sure their heads are on straight. But who can afford to hire someone to perform that service all day? Starving models, but who else? Not my lady friends. This is why de Castelbajac introduced this new clothing item, which he has probably called "The Literal Choker (No Really)," in honor of International Women's Day.

This new neck wrap will be a big hit in America in a few years when it trickles down to Target, though they'll have to make larger sizes because we've got big necks and sausage fingers. But that's fine; just more surface area for bedazzling.