Friday, October 16

New Fun Thing: Clownz!

You remember when you were a kid and you spent countless nights awake for hours in a cold sweat, laying in your bed, listening to the approaching footsteps of the maniacal, murderous escaped circus clown who is about to knock lightly on your door before letting himself in and eating you with cutlery that he brought himself? Those were the days, no?

If you were anything like me as an impressionable, spooked child, your mom was constantly giving you terrible clowns as presents--dolls, framed pictures, figurines--because she felt you didn't have enough horrifying neuroses to occupy yourself with and really wanted to give you one that would stick with you. WELL GUESS WHAT, MOM!!! I STILL SHIVER WHEN I SEE A RINGLING BROS. ADVERTISEMENT!!!

Ahem. Anyway, I love clowns, as you all do. And while searching around today for that hot "2 clowns 1 cup" viral video i heard about on Twatter, I came upon, a fun site with pages like Clowns in the News, Fun with Clowns (clown-themed humor), Stories from You, and my favorite, Threatening Letters, where I found this week's candidate for Epistle of the Week, in which a certain clown-sympathizer has taken umbrage at the site's celebration of the horrorfication of the once-respected and not-at-all creepy figure of the clown. Here's a taste:

My name is Jim Ray. While searching the internet for links to clowning-related pages, I was confonted with your page, and to say the least, I was extremely offended by your website... Now WAIT--before you go off and take this as a complete complaint, I want you to know that I KNOW you have (1) the right to expression, and (2) the right, frankly, to not like clowns. But literally thousands of children DO like clowns, and search for the word "Clowns" every day. While you do have the right to expression, you do not have the right slanderize the entire clowning industry, nor any particular "clown" therein.

This guy is pissed, and for good reason. Clowns are the last minority it's okay to hate. (Except for fags and fatties.) It's the civil rights issue of our generation. And I think the movement has found its leader.

One day soon the phrase "clown f*cker" will be a compliment.