Saturday, November 7

New Fun Thing: Xtra Normal

I've just come upon a web technology that will change the way we communicate. It's called Xtranormal, and, if you're a writer, you can use it to give voice to all that idiotic typing you do all day only to be told by Random House "who are you and what are doing hiding in the mail room with the company dildo?"

Now, instead of writing short stories, submitting them to tediously negative and cowardly literary journals and such, and dealing with the requisite nasty emails from them saying to stop harassing them and stop submitting stories that they don't think are even written in English, we "writers" can offer the world our unpublished stories, in an audiovisual dimension, without the obnoxious and repressive standards that the gatekeepers in the literary world impose upon us.

As such, I present to you a story,"Boy Inadvertent," that I entered in Opium Magazine's "500-word Memoir" contest last spring only to be cruelly and utterly ignored, not even receiving a "thank you for submitting" or even a " this piece of shit blew, so thanks but no."

This powerful story of my life would never be heard from again it seemed. But then: Xtranormal. Thank you, Internet.