Monday, November 23

Movie Poster Critique: Brothers

Who among us sexual humans with beating hearts did not buckle at the sight of this movie poster when we stumbled out of the L train one night and felt a surge of respect for gay film marketing consultants pierce through our vodka buzz?

"My sweet Lord," I remember thinking. "Jake Gylenhaal is just ravenous for his brother Toby MacGuire's awesome hot butt cheeks." I also remember thinking, "What's Natalie Portman doing in this picture?"

Yes, leave it to Natalie Portman to totally ruin a perfectly good homo-neurotic movie poster with her buttinsky ways. Why is she interfering with what is surely the best doomed twink love story poster since Querelle or, at the very least, Brother Trouble (link NSFW!!)?

I'm not letting Natalie ruin another exquisite moment in the history of cinema postering. It's too late for Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium to be redeemed by my expert Photoshopping skills, but it's not too late for Brothers.

I therefore present to you the only Brothers movie poster I will hereafter recognize as legitimate: