Monday, March 8

Oscar Crimes: This F*cking Dingbat [Updated with Pallet-Cleansing Video!]

Folks, when I ultimately win my Oscar (for the screen adaptation of Precious 2: I Was Born in November, Bitchez, based on the Novel Pull This by Tim), please remind me not to make an obnoxious quip at the very beginning of my acceptance speech about how I’ve already won two of these for some other dumb bullshit that I did and am starting to feel greedy. Also, please advise me not to dress up like the dictionary definition of a Douchebag A-hole. Jeez, this woman.

We can only hope that at some point in the evening, Gabourey Sidibe administered a good, sound beating backstage or at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party or in Elton John’s cock 'n balls-shaped pool or wherever. If there is indeed a God to thank for my (eventual) Oscar, Mo'Nique joined in.

To get the nasty stink of this awful woman's hat out of your nostrils, have a look down here at my new girlfriend Gabourey Sidibe being introduced alongside all the other best actor/actress nominees at the beginning of the broadcast. Girl uses her 4 seconds to do some good in the world.