Tuesday, April 7

Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger to Save Book Expo America's Annual Conference from Julie Andrews, Joe Scarborough

Well, God knows, the book industry needs a hero, so why the hell not? It may as well be Sully who swoops in to save BEA-NYC on May 30 at the Javits Center. Otherwise, who can we turn to among the other big name attendees? Julie Andrews, who has a new book out for young readers called Julie Andrews' Collection of Poems, Songs and Lullabies, which sounds just awful? Or maybe Joe Scarborough, whose new words-on-paper project is Up from Republicanism: How Conservatives Can Take Back America. (Hopefully with a foreword and afterward by Zbigniew Brzezinski (why so many consonants, Zbigniew? Jesus.)

Sully's memoir hasn't been ghost-written yet, so according to today's press release, he'll be "available to sign a promotional piece about" it, which sounds exhilarating, no?

After attending BEA, Sully will of course be on to his next series of heroic projects, including flying to Alaska to save Bristol and Levi's relationship and then going to North Korea to land a plane safely on Kim Jong Il's jumpsuit, for peace. Then he'll come back and take a job in the Obama cabinet, because, again, why the hell not?