Guess Jimmy and I Will Have to Go Ahead and Cancel That Big Gay Trip to Uganda

Well, this is disappointing to say the least. Listen up, New York gays. I know you're down in the dumps about marriage equality being voted down by an otherwise completely unproductive state senate, but think of it this way: at least those tedious zombies in Albany don't (openly) wish to put us to death, yay!

If you believe in the "doth protest too much" theory of gay leanings (so to speak), then naturally you're under the impression that the entire country of Uganda is just chock full of self-hating homos. That's sad, but who cares about them? What about the Ugandan homos who have the nerve to NOT hate themselves (like this fella)? Well, if this bill is passed, they will be thrown in jail for life or maybe put to death, who knows?

Worse, y'all: This bill has broad support among the Ugandan public. And it affects more than just gays. If you know a gay and don't tell the authorities, you are guilty, so fess up queer-lover.

Worser, y'all: three noted American evangelicals who are active in the ex-gay movement (so to speak) are tied up in this mess. Read this.

Worser still, y'all: Rick Warren, the smug author of The Purpose-Driven Life that all of our mothers love and who has strong ties to Uganda's evangelical community, has refused to denounce this terrible bill, saying "The fundamental dignity of every person, our right to be free, and the freedom to make moral choices are gifts endowed by God, our creator. However, it is not my personal calling as a pastor in America to comment or interfere in the political process of other nations."

So basically, Rick Warren believes in the fundamental dignity of every person but doesn't want to speak out against dignified gays being killed by their government because that would be meddling. Hmmm. I wonder how he felt about the "political process" known as apartheid in South Africa in the '80s. Do you think he felt comfortable speaking out against that? And how about honor killings in the Muslim world? Does he not want to choose sides in that civilized debate?

In conclusion, Rick Warren is a hog and Uganda has forever forfeited its claim to my sexy gay tourist dollars, so there.

Rodent-faced Dungeon Master Rudy Giuliani Making This Great Horned Owl Hungry

Good news, fans of the cuniculus undead: rat-faced troll Rudy Giuliani is doing the media rounds (well, the Fox media round) to complain about the Obama administration's plans to hold New York trials for the 9/11 conspirators. You'll be shocked to find out that after the World Trade Center Bombing in 1993, he held a completely different view! Watch this Daily Show clip, for proof:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Law & Order: KSM
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

But that's not the biggest Giuliani news. SeeTimBlog can now confirm that the former NYC mayor's rodent-like face, oily outer coat, and long serpentine tail are making the above Great Horned Owl from Texas extremely hungry.

After seeing Giuliani's verminous face on Fox News, the owl was heard remarking to himself in the trees "God, I feel like I haven't eaten in freaking months after seeing that delicious piece of hell trash."

The owl went on to say that he hadn't seen "such a good looking plate of weasel relish since the '08 Republican presidential primary."

After being pressed, the owl did admit that it's their complete lack of self awareness that makes Republicans more tasty.

North Carolina Republicans Still Dumb (After All These Years)

Ok, I'm still on vacation, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't post the above front page photo from Raleigh's News and Observer, which greeted my smiling face from the window of an Atlantic Beach newspaper box this morning.


Click the photo for hilarity.

You know, ever since Jesse Helms left the national stage of the U.S. Senate in Washington, DC and retired in my hometown of Raleigh, NC (more time to spend looking at all his Robert Mapplethorpe coffee table books in his secret office/kitten dungeon down in the basement, I guess)--and then worse, actually died, North Carolina has gotten short shrift in the national media when it comes to the prominent display of crazy dumb white people spouting about the coloreds through their jowls. That's just not right, because God knows, the crazy didn't leave North Carolina when Jesse did.

So thank baby Jesus for this health care debate, am I right? The dingbats were out in full force, 250 strong outside US Senator Kay Hagan's Raleigh office to oppose health reform and urge for greater regulation of birth certificates (no darkies). (If you haven't noticed the mistake in the woman on the left's sign yet, just hurry up and read the top line.)

Pure. Poetry.

My brother Kevin and I were just discussing what she would answer if you asked her what socialism was, and we both agreed that if she said "Nazis" you had permission to beat her upside the head.

And who is she kidding anyway? That bitch don't scrimp on the pubic option.

UPDATE: It appears the N and O has cropped the Photo of the Year on their website. Look here:



Freedom Works must have sent in their goons.

Oh, and just because I'm on vacation doesn't mean you shouldn't be having fun, so here's a video of Jack Imel tap dancing and playing the xylophone, just like I used to do while locked in the band closet in middle school during lunch.

David Letterman Has REALLY Upset 15 People Across the Nation

Holy shit, y'all. Watch this video and prepare to stare wide-eyed at the screen for two minutes. As you know David Letterman made a perfectly fine joke about Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol Palin getting knocked up by A-Rod last week at a Yankees game. (Bristol Palin is famous for two things: being Sarah Palin's daughter and getting knocked up. Wait, three things: having a hot 'n dumb baby daddy.) Unfortunately for Dave, Bristol Palin wasn't actually at that game, but her 14-year-old little sister Willow was, so Sarah Palin, always willing to use her children to win a news cycle, was OUTRAGED that Dave made a joke about raping her daughter! You betcha.

So, right-wingers across the country summoned all of their brain power and sent 15 of their best and brightest to protest outside the David Letterman Show building in Manhattan. (For real, there were 15 people there and about 30 people from the media to cover these 15 people.)

My personal favorite moment, besides when a woman calls David Letterman's wife a slut and another says that David Letterman "rapes children with his mouth" (your child could be next!), is when one of these anger bears actually starts shouting about closing the borders. Because, really, why is David Letterman letting all of these illegals into the country?!

When will Sarah Palin denounce these people as harmful to the self esteem of young girls? And young bastards? And slutty spouses?