This Picture on the Subway, Believe It Or Not, Is an Ad For a News Broadcast

Not for a furniture store or a tight sleeveless blouse shop or a push-up bra boutique. For a news broadcast. For Pix 11 News at 10, to be specific. And who's that alluring woman with the prominently featured arms and boobage? She's Jodi Applegate, a porn name, obviously. And what is Jodi doing, besides standing next to that chair lookin' good, that has anything to do with the news? Well, she's obviously thinking very hard about the news. (And bon bons.) Is she thinking about the uprising in Libya? The Newt Gingrich flameout? The debt ceiling? Maybe. But the overall impression left by this advertisement, let's face it, is clear.

Jodi Applegate is going to sit in that chair and fuck the news. Live.

Of course, there are men on this news program, too, because otherwise how would people take it seriously?



Let these obviously capable guys handle the "reading" and the "banter" and the "holding things" and the "electronics"--all very important parts of a news program. That's fine, it's what dudes do. But leave the fuckin' to Jodi.

I think it would indicate a stronger news broadcast, though, if Jodi was standing next to a stripper pole and holding a dildo.

A Lot to Say a Little: New Fancy Feast Commercial

Um, what? I'm a fan of any commercial that features a cat being passed around, even if it's one of those irritating fluffy white cats that always feel so entitled. But this commercial is du-humb. It tells a tedious story of a gay dude asking his girlfriend to marry him in a cloyingly roundabout and precious way.

"Girl, don't do it, you know he's gay!" Jimmy said, because the commercial is long enough to have a plot for you to react to.

My point is that fluffy white cats sometimes get turds stuck in their butt fur.

Unsolicited Advice for Michael, the iTunes Gift Certificate Sample Recipient

You know, Apple usually has impeccable taste in commercials/promotions/whatever. They're always so well-played, hip but not too cloying. But I'm going to have to go ahead and call foul on the sample iTunes gift certificate they've put together to show customers how their message to the recipient will look. Because it's just weird. Brian apparently went to a party at Michael's house last night and had a great time, so naturally he decided that instead of writing Michael a nice message on his Facebook wall he'll buy him an iTunes gift certificate. Sure, that's fine. Brian also writes him a note:

Michael,

Thanks for the great party last night. The food was excellent as was the company. Here's a little gift to help you out with the next one.

Brian

So, Michael, I don't want to be the bringer of awkward news, but Brian wants to get in your pants, I'm thinking. He's flirty, he's complimentary, and he's bought you some free downloads (that's the "giving someone flowers" of the early 21st century) as a not-so-subtle way of suggesting you invite him to your next party, the naked one. And Michael, I'm really not just seeing what I want to see. I've talked about this with my friends Ruth and Mike, who tipped me off about this weird message when they bought me an iTunes gift certificate recently. So I'm, in turn, tipping you off. I'm only trying to help, Michael. Because there's nothing worse than having to face a dude showing up at your next party in a lycra top and Superman Underoos who clearly will not be let down easily. (Trust me, I've been there.) Don't say you weren't warned.

Kthxbye,

seetimblog

This California Republican Demon Sheep Hungers for Your Tasty Entrails

Surely everyone now has seen the hilarious/terrifying attack ad made by the Carly Fiorina campaign--for a U.S. Senate seat--that suggests that her Republican primary opponent for the California seat is a demon sheep who will eat your face. If you haven't, watch it now and get ready for a month of sleepless nights and/or terrible nightmares.

You will never recover from this.

(hat tip to Wonkette commenter John G. for the GIF)

Best Chat Line Commercial in All of U.S. History

You remember when you used to stay up late watching teevee rather than trolling the internet for sex robots? I miss those days. Well, the above video should really take you back. It is the best phone sex commercial ever produced. Not only can these girls dance and seductively flick their hair, they can also sing! You know, like Cindy Crawford could sing with Little Richard backing her up in that awesome Charlie perfume commercial from 1993.

Just try to watch this video and NOT spend the rest of the day atonally screaming "Pick up the phone!"

Ad Alley: Being White in America

I was just trolling the Internet for ninja headbands (really!) when I scrolled over this advertisement for Suntan Hyatt Hotels. Why can't ALL commercials be this awesome?