Monday, May 18

Thanks to New Star Trek Movie, Adorable Asian John Cho is Finally Gay

I saw the new Star Trek last night and, wow. Sexy much? I mean, damn, even Spock was hot. But the best news about this reboot, besides it being a nearly flawless re-imagining of a classic nerd franchise, is that, thanks to the magic of movies, Harold and Kumar's John Cho is now a gay, yay!

You see, the makers of this prequel, though they have infused it with some shiny new bells and whistles, have really stuck to the fundamental characteristics of the core Enterprise figures: Captain Kirk is a handsome skirt chaser; Spock is logical and passionless, with spartan bangs; and Nyota Uhura is leggy and hot.

It's only logical, then, to assume that Commander Sulu, (played in the original series and movies by proud gay George Takei) is a big old gay, due to the fact that, in the original, he enjoyed such activities as staring at Kirk dreamily and sweaty, shirtless fencing. So, by logical extension (because we must be logical), John Cho, who plays him, must also be gay, since George Takei was. This makes perfect sense and is an airtight argument that absolutely cannot be refuted, because it has been declared on a blog.

Welcome to the family, John! You know, it's now legal for Harold and Kumar to get gay-married in New Jersey (good title for next sequel, no?), so get working on those invites. White Castle, naturally, can cater.

I was a little disappointed that there was no sweaty, shirtless fencing in the movie, but I guess that's what sequels are for.