Friday, February 19

Plans for the Weekend: Having Memory Erased

Ok, maybe not, but I AM participating in what is known as a "sleep study" at what is called a "sleep laboratory" in a so-called "sleep disorders clinic" on the alleged Upper East Side tonight, at which I'll have a bunch of "sleep adhesive tape" and "sleep wax paste" affixed and/or splattered all over my hairless, nubile upper body so I can hopefully have my chronic and awful snoring diagnosed as Terrible Life-Threatening Buzzsaw-of-the-Nose Disorder and get some surgery to save my gay marriage. Memory erasement could happen, though, if this were a movie scene, which it will be because I've requested that Sandra Bullock be my technician.

All this is to say that I may soon have to wear one of those horrid CPAP masks (see uber-blogger Andrew Sullivan wearing his on CNN above) in order to be able to STFU during dreamtime if these medical folks aren't able to help me surgically. Why hasn't Obama fixed my snoring yet?!

So, just to be clear: we can send a man (even a woman!) into space but we can't engineer a sleep mask that doesn't make the wearer look like a submersible serial killer cephalopod?