Quote of the Week

This comes courtesy of an attendee at Crazee Michele Bachmann's town hall in Minnesota yesterday:

“I’ll be danged if I am going to give up my Social Security because of socialism,” Schaffer said, before being booed by the crowd.

Oh, and to make this fool's words even sweeter, there's this nugget:

LeRoy Schaffer, a St. Francis city council member, dressed in a tuxedo and top hat for the occasion. Shaffer got visibly emotional asking Bachmann about the future of health care and the role of special interests in Washington.

So readers, is Shaffer danged or isn't he? Hard to tell!

Kansas Rep. Lynn Jenkins Has Got a Big Mouth

You might think I'm referring to her recent careless and retarded (but only mildly racist, let's be honest) comments to a gathering in her district that the GOP is looking for a "great white hope" to stop Obama's and the Democrats' agenda. No, I'm not actually referring to that.

I'm referring to her actual mouth. That thing is freakin' huuge.

Good Lord, Everyone's Dying

Teddy, John Hughes, Dominick Dunne, Billy Mays, Walter Cronkite, Robert Novak, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. This is the summer of death is it not? There's only one thing to do to stave off despair: someone needs to hurry up and remix the above speech into a hot dance track. Hurry up!

My Camera Phone Will Not Be Denied: Socrates Sculpture Park, Queens

Sculpture parks are where people go at night to get it on. It's a fact, since the dawn of time. If there are no sculpture parks in your town, you go to a rose garden somewhere. No rose garden? Go to makeout mountain. If you live in a town that doesn't even have a makeout mountain, just get your ass behind a Quickie Mart. (Interesting fact: most American babies are conceived behind Quickie Marts--a depressing sign of our horrible infrastructure/public sex options.)

Anyway, sculpture parks can also be visited in the daytime when you are fully clothed and not even planning on kissing with tongue (though you really should watch where you step). Jimmy and I went to one such park in Queens, the Socrates Sculpture Park, and I brought my camera phone just in case we happened upon any nudity.

It appears that we happened to visit the park on a week when things are in flux--pieces still being worked on and such. But I think we got the gist.


This piece is going to be great when they unveil it.


That furniture warehouse is not part of the sculpture park.


These cakes looked delicious but they tasted like cardboard.


The site of a gruesome crime against whales.


Shit! That reminds me, I left my jam box at Trina's.


My favorite piece because I love hoodies.


That dog needs a hoodie.


A rat. Behind the guy.


This piece reminds me of this time I was at the Park Hyatt hotel in Tokyo just browsing around looking at all of the art in their many lobbies and I sat down and looked beside me on the marble bench-type-thing I was sitting on and there was a fork so I tried to pick up the fork so I could take it to the reception desk and practice how to say "I found this fork, is it yours?" in Japanese, but the thing was, the fork was glued to the marble. It was art! That's what this piece reminds me of. Oh wait, that's my bike chain.

Today in Brain Games

If you stare at the above picture of Ukrainian soldiers marching down Kiev's main street long enough, you'll see the image of Gloria Gaynor on a cross. If you simultaneously blink your eyes rapidly, you'll be magically transported to NYC's Roxy in the 80s. (Tell Madonna I said hi.) If you also stand on your head and whistle, you should put that up on youtube.