Tuesday, February 3

My Cellphone Will Not Be Denied: Giant-Boobed Mannequin in Soho Shop Window

My friend Bambi and I were stumbling down Spring Street in Soho last Saturday, reeling from the experience of running into a manically texting Hillary Swank at Balthazar. (Celebrities are NOT supposed to be that tall. And who was that greaseball she was with?) Regardless, in our post-filthy-rich-dessert stupor, we were in no state to handle the window display at the Mystique Boutique shop just down the street. There was a mannequin there with boobs so big we couldn’t open our eyes wide enough to see them. Not only that, but the nipples on those boobs were poking through her top like dang heat-seeking missiles.

Now, those of you who know me know that there is nothing this gay man likes to do more at the end of a long day than to rest his head on a giant pillow of soft, plump boobs. But, really, this is just awful. Not only does this mannequin undervalue the subtle beauty of the female waist, it also sends the wrong signal to young girls about how big they can expect their nipples to actually get. Kids, they don’t usually grow this big. Look away!

And in a cheeky maneuver of poetic product placement, the below selection of retro t-shirts was featured on the floor of the display.

These kids at Mistique Boutique sure know what they’re doing.