Wednesday, July 21

New Really Fun Thing: The Dragulator

Are you unhappy with your drab appearance? Your boring face and your gray, lifeless skin and your saggy tits and your crossed eyes and your straw hair and your knobby legs and your tombstone teeth? And your chapped lips, your pimple clusters, and your giant nose? And your farmer tan? (And your "beauty mark"?) Me too!

Thankfully, Ru Paul and the Logo channel has the answer to all of our problems: The Dragulator, which allows us humans to imagine ourselves as something so much better than we actually are or could ever be.

Now instead of living in the real world, in which you are the lead character in a terrible PBS drama full of ugly people, you can reinvent yourself as the lead character in The Bold and the Beautiful or Gone With the Wind or The Muppets Take Manhattan or whatever, yay!

Folks, say hello to Stella Farley, my fabulous new doppleganger and the new competitive eating champion of Earth. (Suck it, Kobayashi!)

As Ru as my waitress I will never be hungry again.